Moshe and Tzipporah

An interracial Jewish love story?

Image: Moses and his Ethiopian Wife Zipporah (Jacques Jordaens)

With Pesach upon us, I thought it would be a great time to look at the relationship between Moses (henceforth Moshe) and his wife, Tzipporah. Moshe requires no introduction. I'm sure most of you learned about him in the hagadah on the first night(s) of the holidays.

With so much focus on the plagues, the exodus, and, of course, matzah, there is not much time dedicated to Tzipporah. In fact, throughout the five books of Moses, the chumash, she is only mentioned a few times.

Using the terms of romance novels, let's begin with their "meet-cute" in Parshat Shemot. Moshe was on the run. He had tried settling a dispute between two Jews, ending in the accidental death of one of them. The timeline after the incident is a bit foggy. More on that later. However, the Torah tells us that Moshe ended up in Midian, the north of modern-day Saudi Arabia.

The great commentator Rashi says that before Moshe's journey, Tzipporah's family had abandoned idolatry. This was a bold move for Tzipporah's father because he was a priest. According to Chizkuni, her family subsequently became outcasts. Whenever Tzipporah and her sisters wanted to fetch water from a well, the Midianite shepherds would harass them.

In the pshat, the simplest meaning of the text, the reason that Tzipporah's family was harrassed was because Yitro had only seven daughters and no sons. Not to compare, but this dynamic could fit right into an Austen novel.

But now to the actual meet-cute. Tzipporah and her sisters went to the well early, trying to avoid the other shepherds. The plan didn't work. They got harassed. Moshe saw this and intervened. Screenwriters would call this a "save the cat" moment. He kept saving people when the chance arose. We like him.

Also, it was no coincidence that he and Tzipporah met at a well. Rachel and Yakov met at a well. And Eliezer found Itzhak's wife, Rivka, at a well as well. Before social media, this was the place to meet friends and new people. The Alshich HaKadosh comments that it's a testament to Tzipporah's and her sister's modesty that they didn't socialize with Moshe or anyone else there.

Tzipporah and the girls just got their water and returned home. There they told their father, Yitro, what had happened. Yitro urged the girls to bring Moshe home so they could express their gratitude. Moshe and Yitro got along so well that Yitro gave him Tzipporah's hand in marriage.

We never got Tzipporah's perspective, or how much time passed from their encounter until the marriage. In fact, most of Moshe and Tzipporah's relationship is not on the page.

However, it is my opinion that she loved him. True, the text never states it outright. But let's look at how she referred to him:

After Hashem tells Moshe to free the Jewish people in Egypt, Moshe takes his new family along with him. Worried about his son's health on the journey, Moshe decided to postpone the circumcision of the boy. The Torah states that an angel came to strike Moshe down for this. As the future leader, Moshe was judged on a harsher level.

However, it was not Moshe who corrected this mistake but Tzipporah. Tzipporah circumcised their son. Then she threw the foreskin at Moshe's feet and said, "You are a bridegroom of blood to me." (Shemot, 4:25)

Moshe was her bridegroom.

In contrast, Sarah referred to her husband, Avraham, as "my Mister." (Bereshit 18:12) However the word used, "adoni," also means "my master." Rivka never directly refers to her husband. Even Rachel and Leah only have one moment in which they refer to Yakov in a spousal way. Leah is upset at Rachel for requesting her special flowers, saying, “Was it not enough for you to take away my husband (ishi)?" (Bereshit 30:15)

So in comparison, Tzipporah's language seems more romantic.

We won't hear from Tzipporah in the narrative for a while. Let's fast-forward a bit. In Parshat Yitro, she rejoins her husband after the Jews defeated Amalek. "So Yitro, Moses’ father-in-law, took Zipporah, Moses’ wife, after she had been sent home." (Shemot 18:3)

Hold on. When was Tzipporah sent away? Last we read, she accompanied Moshe to Egypt. To understand this we have to turn to the commentaries again. Many rabbis are as confused as we are. But Rashi offers a midrash.

When Aharon, Moshe's brother, saw that Moshe had brought his family with him, he advised him to send them back to Midian. There were enough Jews suffering in Egypt already. They needn't add more people suffering. After all, Tzipporah was a free woman and not bound by Pharaoh's decrees.

Other commentators like Ibn Ezra argue that the word "sending" here refers to bridal gifts Moshe sent to Tzipporah.

Either way, once the Hashem had freed the Jews, the family could be reunited. Ibn Ezra gives us another hint to Tzipporah's feelings. Her title as "Moshe's wife" as opposed to "Yitro's daughter" shows how "Moshe was more important than her father's house."

But the relationship between Tzipporah and Moshe was starting to change. Moshe was no longer just Tzipporah's bridegroom. He was a prophet. Leader of the Children of Israel.

Moshe started to avoid Tzipporah. There is a dispute among the commentators if he divorced her or not. This is unfortunately beyond the scope of this post.

According to Arbabanel, this news reached Moshe's sister, Miriam, when she saw Tzipporah upset. Tzipporah removed her jewelry, explaining that she didn't need it anymore because Moshe stopped looking at her.

Miriam, instead of reaching out to Moshe in private to help Tzipporah, went to their brother Aharon to complain. In Bamidbar 12:1 it says:

"And Miryam and Aharon spoke against Moshe because of the Kushite woman whom he had taken, for he had taken a Kushite woman. And they said, Has the Hashem indeed spoken only with Moshe? has he not spoken also with us? And the Hashem heard it."

I don't know about you but I had several questions when reading these verses. 1) Who is the Kushite woman? 2) What does this marriage have to do with prophecy?

Some commentators take the text literally. Tzipporah wasn't from Kush. So Moshe married another wife of Kushite heritage. Bechor Shor argues that Miriam’s allegation was that Moshe saw himself above his people due to his prophecy and wouldn't choose a wife from among the children of Israel. Having a wife from far away would be some kind of status symbol.

Others say that before he arrived in Midian, he made a pit stop in Kush, became a king, married a woman there, and never consummated that marriage.

However many agree that the Kushite was in fact Tzipporah. In Jewish texts, the name Kush also applied to places other than modern-day Sudan.

At this point I have to give a little trigger warning for historical racism.

There are some medieval commentators who argue that the term"Kushite" is ironic. They seem to think that “Kushite” is an insult. There is a weird implication that someone dark-skinned would not be beautiful. I think that more than anything this reflects the influence of non-Jewish European thinkers at the time. Remember that Europeans were often at war with darker-skinned peoples, like during the crusades. It makes sense that stereotypes developed against the enemy as a form of medieval propaganda.

Anyway, Rashi says that "Kushite" was used ironically here. Irony tends to appear in Talmudic texts. Kind of the way Moroccan grandmas call babies ugly to prevent an evil eye.

At the same time, Rashi says the gematria of Kushite (736) is the same as "beautiful appearance" (Rabbeinu Bachya). Onkelos just translates the word Kushite to beautiful. Again, I might be mistaken here, but maybe the interpretation that black here as ironic emerged at a later time.

Or maybe Miriam was referring to Tzipporah's skin color as being black. Ibn Ezra thinks so. He argues that in Midian people spent lots of time in the sun. Rabbi Steinsaltz agrees with him.

Let's continue from the assumption that Tzipporah is the Kushite woman. This would make Tzipporah and Moshe the first interracial Jewish love story.

What does this marriage have to do with prophecy?

To receive prophecy, Moshe needed to be ritually pure. If he were sleep with his wife, his emission would render him ritually impure. Sorry to be so graphic. I just want to make it clear that Tzipporah wasn't the problem. I would even argue that her circumcising the boys was her accepting the Torah laws.

When Miriam gossiped about the separation, some commentators say, she was criticizing Moshe because he knew what his wife looked like when they got married. Surely, he couldn't suddenly divorce her because of her appearance.

For a moment there we might mistake this comment for genuine concern. However, Miriam didn't even use Tzipporah's name (or the Kushite's if this is your interpretation.) Miriam didn't say "Moshe look how sad you made her." Miriam made this issue about herself. As if this were a new way to slight her.

The Torah continues, telling us that Moshe was extremely humble. Which meant on one hand that he certainly didn't mean to elevate himself over his people or his siblings. But one could also argue that as the most humble man, he wouldn't think that his "Kushite" wife is less than him.

Even before attaining prophecy, Moshe didn't think that he was the best person to lead the Jewish people. He was the antithesis of a politician. When asked to free his people, he argued with Hashem that he was not right for the job. He said, "I beg you, God, I am not a man of words [...] I stammer and am not swift of tongue." (Shemot 4:10)

This doesn't sound like a man who would purposefully spite his sister. In due time, Hashem punished Miriam for her gossip. And Moshe didn't hold a grudge. Instead, he begged for mercy for her.

But back to Moshe and Tzipporah. At the conclusion of my research into their relationship, I wondered if so much information wasn't left out by design? Moshe was already in the public eye a lot. It made sense to keep his private life private. The only glimpse into his relationship is when it was necessary to explain that nothing was wrong with his wife.

Tzipporah and Moshe may not have had a whirlwind romance. They weren't an ancient power couple. But you know what? I think that’s beautiful.

Nowadays couples often share aspects of their relationship with the entire internet. This can put pressure and strain on the couple. It makes people more performative. Privacy is a precious thing. We shouldn't take it for granted.

I wish all of you a happy Pesach. And I hope that those of you who are married can still see your partner as a bride/ bridegroom many years after the wedding.

With love,

Telem ❤️

P.S. Just as Moshe begged for mercy for his sister, we need to continue to beg for mercy and the return of the 59 hostages still in Gaza. May they return now!